Kevin Jones has a secret. He stared into the bathroom mirror and admired what he saw. He tilted his head, raised one eyebrow and thought \u201chow can she resist this?\u201d He readjusted his stance to improve his look. He turned his body to get a side profile. This was a slightly less pleasing angle. He pulling his tummy in, which didn\u2019t really make much of a different, thinking he could probably benefit from losing a little weight. \u201cShe is one lucky lady,\u201d he said to himself just as he noticed he looked less fat if he turned a little to the left.What he didn\u2019t notice was that Brian and Harry had walked into the bathroom a few minutes earlier. They stood in silence, holding in hysterical laughter in the hope that this comedy moment could last just a little longer. \u201cOne lucky lady,\u201d he whispered as raised his arms to flex his biceps. In mid-flex he noticed his two colleagues staring at him, wide-eyed and about to explode with laughter.<\/p>\n
\u201cOne lucky lady?\u201d Brain exhaled before he turned blue.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, who\u2019s the lucky lady Kev?\u201d Harry quipped.<\/p>\n
\u201cWh\u2026 wh\u2026 what?\u201d Kevin stuttered, playing for time. \u201cLucky ladies, plural\u2026 once I get into shape I\u2019ll be fighting them off.\u201d<\/p>\n
Brain shook his head in pity. \u201cYou\u2019re losing it man.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, seriously,\u201d Kevin struggled. \u201cI\u2019ve made a decision to get into shape\u2026 I\u2019m going to run a marathon this year, you\u2019ll see.\u201d<\/p>\n
Did he really say that? Did he really say he\u2019d run a marathon? Is he really that stupid? Can he for once in his life take one of his ill thought-out comments back?<\/p>\n
Brian and Harry looked at each other, nodded in agreement, looked back at Kevin and said in unison \u201cnow that sounds like a bet.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re on!\u201d Kevin exclaimed.<\/p>\n
Kevin adored Chloe Keswick. She was perfect for him but he knew that he was not perfect for her, yet! He was unfit, unhealthy, a little fat and getting fatter. Life seemed to be rushing past fast and he seemed to be going downhill faster. Already in his mid-thirties he felt old but not so old that he had left it too late to fix this. To that end he had decided to become a runner to get fit and healthy, and especially more attractive to Chloe. He was sure this simple action was going to change his life! After all how hard can it be to put one foot in front of the other?<\/p>\n
He needed a plan, a schedule and a place in his diary to squeeze it into. Mornings were not an attractive option; and evenings were tricky too. He paused for a moment, thinking about his frequent outings with the lads for drinks. It seemed a tad incompatible for someone who was soon to join the ranks of athletes to spend so much time down the pub. Perhaps a reduction in frequency rather than abstinence would be a better approach, after all his friends would miss him terribly and he was only thinking of them. Lunchtimes could work but he had to eat, and he really liked to eat. Oh dear, this was going to be a problem.<\/p>\n
Over the weekend he decided he was going to run early in the morning, every morning. To begin with he would take it easy, perhaps 2 miles, maybe 3 if he felt like it. This was an exciting moment, a monumental decision and by lunchtime on Sunday everyone knew about it, whether they liked it or not.<\/p>\n
Rising early the next day Kevin pulled on his brand new running gear; a brightly coloured long sleeved shirt with reflective stripes, shorts and a pair of professional looking running socks. Tired and more than a little sleepy he shuffled downstairs and into the kitchen for breakfast. Porridge and a banana he thought, keep it healthy, start as he meant to go on. And a glass of orange juice and a coffee for hydration seemed like a good idea.<\/p>\n
He sat on a kitchen chair, feet flat on the floor, staring loosely ahead while listening to the subtle groans of a house warming up after a cold winter\u2019s night. He could have sat there all day as he was struggling with the thought of leaving this warm cocoon. Taking a deep breath he reached for his new running shoes and slipped them on. They felt snug but comfortable, and with a few adjustments he tied the laces to complete the outfit.<\/p>\n
Kevin started to feel a little nervous as he walked the long walk up to his front door where he was greeted with a whoosh of freezing air that shocked the system. He stood motionless in the doorway between his warm cosy kitchen and the freezing abyss outside, seriously considered stepping back inside. Just in time he remembered his enthusiastic banter about how he would be a changed man next time he was in the office, an athlete no less, and so with a deep breath he leaned into the wind and took off down the street.<\/p>\n
Kevin made it about 100 meters when he felt his breakfast making its presence known, another 50 meters and he started to tire. His legs quickly felt heavy, like he had a child hanging onto each leg. Staring down at his feet with confusion and bewilderment he couldn\u2019t understand what was happening. How could it possibly be this difficult? Surely this is simply walking, only faster? He tried desperately to understand what was happening as energy literally leaked out of every pore of his body as he slowly came to a rather pathetic stop.<\/p>\n
Standing still he bent over and rested his hands on his knees. He was totally shocked at having only run 150 meters and was now completely done in, exhausted, shattered! His poor legs were shaking and his heart was racing. This required a serious rethink. Did he take on too much too soon? \u201cHang on,\u201d he said out loud, \u201chow could 150 meters be anywhere near too much?\u201d Sheepishly he tiptoed back to his house, partly because he would be embarrassed if anyone had seen him fail so spectacularly and partly because he really couldn\u2019t walk any faster.<\/p>\n
Later that morning as the elevator doors opened onto his seemingly deserted office floor. He really didn\u2019t want to see anyone and this was good; this was very good he thought to himself. He stepped out and slowly walked towards his desk at the far side of the office floor. Passing empty cubicles he began to relax and felt victory was near. He thought he heard faint tapping that grew clearer the more he walked.<\/p>\n
It was Chloe, dear Chloe, happily tapping away on her keyboard with her headphones on as she concentrated deeply on whatever HR stuff she was typing. Kevin was never in this early, by the time he got to work everyone was already there and the hellos, good mornings and how are you doing were already done by others, he would just breeze and give a cursory smile with a \u201chey\u201d to whoever he passed on the way to his desk. This was different. This time it was just him and Chloe. This was a golden opportunity to show off his witty banter and convince her that he was a changed man. It was also an opportunity to actually talk to Chloe. Up to then their interactions were limited to him choking on whatever he was eating when she passed by, and he always seemed to be eating, or nervously muttering something unintelligible when she acknowledged him in the corridor.<\/p>\n
He stopped at Chloe\u2019s cubicle and smiled an exaggerated clown-like smile, and held it for what seemed like an eternity until she relented and slipped off her headphones.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood mooooaning Chloe,\u201d Kevin said cheerfully, still holding the enthusiastic fake smile.<\/p>\n
She slowly raised her gaze upwards saying \u201cdid you really say moaning, Craig?\u201d She sighed \u201creally\u2026 moaning?\u201d she continued.<\/p>\n
Kevin\u2019s face flushed with embarrassment, \u201cOh\u2026 I\u2019m sorry\u2026 it was just a little joke\u2026 you know\u2026 a little early morning humour\u2026 ahem\u2026 thought it might cheer you up a little,\u201d he muttered sheepishly.<\/p>\n
Chloe\u2019s eyes narrowed. \u201cDo I look like I need cheering up Craig?\u201d she sighed.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh no no no, not at all… I\u2019m just being silly\u2026 just passing through\u2026 wanted to spread a little of my morning sunshine cheer,\u201d he chirped hoping to recover something from this disastrous situation.<\/p>\n
\u201cPassing through\u2026 and yet you\u2019re still here\u2026\u201d Chloe exhaled, eyes still narrowed.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell I\u2019m just explaining what\u2026 I mean I\u2019m\u2026 you know\u2026 just saying\u2026.\u201d Kevin choked.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are just saying, Craig? You know, perhaps a little less talkie and a little more walkie would be in order?\u201d Chloe suggested tilting her head suggesting he walk away.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh\u2026 THAT is funny, THAT is comedy gold right there Chloe,\u201d laughed Kevin with a barely believable fake laugh, \u201cyou are a funny girl\u2026 so funny\u2026 and really good looking\u2026 and REALLY funny\u2026 funny\u2026yep!\u201d Kevin\u2019s knew he stepped over a line, he actually felt he stumbled into a large hole.<\/p>\n
\u201cReally!!\u201d snapped Chloe.<\/p>\n
\u201cReally!\u201d confirmed Kevin, hoping that she may return the compliment, any compliment.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood morning Craig, I have a lot of work to do,\u201d she said dismissingly as her focus returned to her desk.<\/p>\n
\u201cAh, OK\u201d Kevin mumbled, feeling rejected. He felt he had to walk away with something so he straightened up and said \u201cand it\u2019s Kevin by the way, NOT Craig\u2026 you couldn\u2019t even get that right!\u201d Kevin thought for a second as he ran some letters though his head. He smiled as he came up with this clever parting blow\u2026 \u201cNot only did you get my name wrong BUT you couldn\u2019t even get a single letter right!!!!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot Craig?\u201d Chloe asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, not Craig\u2026 Kevin Jones, pleased to meet you\u2026 NOT!!\u201d Kevin retorted.<\/p>\n
\u201cJones\u2026 Kevin Jones\u2026 you\u2026 \u201c Chloe said thinking hard. \u201cYou own that red tin can on wheels you call a car, the one that leaves a pool of oil everywhere it stops,\u201d Chloe said angrily.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a classic Italian sports car, sure it leaks a little but that\u2019s what classics do!\u201d Kevin fought back.<\/p>\n
\u201cPools of oils\u2026\u201d Chloe recalled. She stood up, he eyes narrowed, again, as she stammered \u201cYou… you\u2026 YOU! \u201c<\/p>\n
\u201cYes\u2026 ME!\u201c Kevin claimed proudly. \u201cHang on\u2026 me what?\u201d he questioned, feeling slightly confused.<\/p>\n
You\u2026\u201d Chloe repeated.<\/p>\n
Yes\u2026 me??\u201d Kevin questioned.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou left that pool of oil next to my car on Tuesday, it was YOU!!!\u201d Chloe said angrily.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell\u2026\u201d is all Kevin could muster.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was on my way to an important meeting\u2026 wearing a while skirt\u2026I slipped in that pool of oil\u2026 you ruined my skirt\u2026 YOU are Kevin Jones\u2026 YOU!!!\u201d Chloe fumed.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell\u2026\u201d Kevin repeated.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell????\u201d Chloe demanded.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell\u2026 well you couldn\u2019t get my name right\u2026 not even one letter!\u201d said Kevin desperately and awkwardly as he shuffled slowly backwards out of her cubicle where he bumped into Brian and Harry who had made their way to the scene of the morning\u2019s excitement. He turned around to face their beaming faces, smiled limply and exhaled \u201cHeeeyyyyy guys\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo Kevin, how was the run this morning?\u201d Brian excitedly asked. \u201cYes, do tell, how did you get on?\u201d Harry chirped eagerly.<\/p>\n
Kevin stared wide eyed at them, his mind racing trying to figure out what to say. \u201cAh, about that\u2026\u201d he said, buying time. \u201cYes, about that\u2026.\u201d He continued, stretching his credit. \u201cGuys, I gotta to be honest with you\u2026\u201d He took a deep breath, thought about their bet, swallowed his pride and a large chunk of self-respect, smiled and bellowed, \u201cIt was awesome, I really started something great here, you guys should take a leaf out of my book, it was a breeze, I loved it, feel great, new man, coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n
Chloe watched them disappeared down the corridor. \u201cA runner!\u201d she whispered, smiling just a little, \u201cI never would have guessed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a9 Andrew Tully, 2014<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Kevin Jones has a secret. He stared into the bathroom mirror and admired what he saw. He tilted his head, raised one eyebrow and thought \u201chow can she resist this?\u201d He readjusted his stance to improve his look. He turned his body to get a side profile. This was a slightly less pleasing angle. He … Continue reading